i don't know..

i feel like i been writing a whole bunch of sad things on here, but i don't know what else to write. it's my way of getting it out, i guess. it's not that i'm overly depressed about anything. i just haven't felt excitement lately. probably bc i always have something stuck in my head that i expect to happen, but something always trips it up and i just end up feeling disappointed. i just haven't been good with adapting to changes of plans lately; i usually can handle little changes, but even that has been problematic for me. i think once one thing goes wrong, then every little thing after just starts making it worse and worse. also i feel like i don't get as much attention from billy as i want. now that school's started, i kno we wont be seeing each other as much, and i'm scared that we'll start drifting apart. i kno this is irrational of me to say, but i can't help how it, especially with everything going on in my life. it doesn't help that when i'm at his place he's always distracted with something else, whether it be sports, his roommate, games, him always texting people. i kno that it's too much to ask for ALL his attention everytime i'm there, but it'd be nice if he did pay me more attention.

ugh...i hate being like this.